Bowles A No-Blow

London, April 9-Andrew Parker Bowles, ex husband of Camilla Parker Bowles, was relieved of his obligation to perform fellatio on England’s Prince Charles at his former wife’s wedding reception. The obligation stemmed from a conversation between the Prince and Bowles which took place in the Cock and Donkey Pub in Hammersmith in 1997.

According to Bowles he was, “a bit into my cups. Chuck had come to ask me if I would make a stink if he asked Camilla to marry him.”

The meeting took place two months before Princess Diana died tragically in an auto crash.

Bowles continued, “ Cammy and I had split up the year before. My drinking and gambling led to it I suppose, but I knew she was shagging Chuck too, so it wasn’t all my fault.” he said, blowing out a large boozy blue cloud of cigar smoke.

“Like I say, I was a few sheets to the wind. Chuck says,’What would you do if I married Camilla,’ and I look at him, I thought my eyes would pop out me head, I said,’My good boy, if you would take that bitch off my hands I’ll get down on my knees and blow you! Right there on the dance floor at the reception- in front of everybody!” Bowles, teary eyed with mirth and relief, continued,”Chuck puts on that tight lipped ‘I smell shit’ smile of his and says,’You promise?’ and I sticks out me hand and we shake on it.”

Coughing with laughter Bowles composed himself to continue, “I never gave it a second thought ‘till the rehearsal dinner ta other night. I’m walkin out and Chuck comes up to me, we’re alone, and he says, ‘Remember your promise?’ What? I says. ‘to blow me’ he says. Yeah, what of it, I says. ‘After the wedding, you meet me in the men’s room at the Guidhall. The last stall. I’m collecting.’ Well, you coulda knocked me over with a shot glass. I stares at him. He smiles that sour grin back and asks me if I a welcher! I bet, I’ll pay, I says!” he blustered, shaking his badly toupeed head.

Bowels paused to refill his champagne glass then continued, “So after the wedding I’m going through the line and Chuck pulls me in close and whispers in my ear. He says, ‘Your off the hook old chum. Cammy has agreed to pay the debt for you!’ Then he pushes me back, gives me a real smile this time and sends me down the line. I honestly don’t even remember what happened after that, but I did give Cammy a big wet kiss and a squeeze on the arse!”

Bowles drained his glass and called for a refill, “I was so goddamned happy I let out a whoop! I thought I hada blow the freakin Prince of Wales- an... and...I don’t even like the fukin’ Welsh! “ he cried out, slapping this reporter heartily on the shoulders.