Bush: ‘Culture of Life’ to Blame For Oil Prices

Washington, April 10, 2005- President Bush today cited the American “Culture of Life” for record oil prices. Crude prices have reached more than $60 a barrel in recent weeks hitting their highest levels ever. The president, crossing the White House lawn to board a gigantic helicopter which would take him to Air Force One, a huge 757 that would ferry him to his air conditioned home in west Texas, was asked by a reporter from the World News Press, “Mr President, you, your whole family and all your friends are oilmen, what’s causing the incredible spike in the price of crude?” Bush, buoyant from his Vatican trip, strode over to the press gathered to record this historic flight (every vacation the President takes now sets a new record for a sitting Chief Executive of the United States.)

Bush replied, flashing the sarcastic insincere smile known as his "media face," “Why, why...just look around...we live in the greatest country on earth!” Bush enthusied. Gesturing around the White House property he said, “Who else has stuff like this? I just came back from Italy..." he paused, straining for words, "those people... that place...” He stopped and shook his head, “Have you all ever been there? Bush stepped closer to the press corp, smiling again, "Look, here in America...we love life! We...we... like things, we like stuff...ya see?”

Lookit,” he continued, “Americans like their All-Terrain veehicals, they like their snowmobiles, they like their jet-skis, ya know...we like our big ole’ SUV’s and dirt bikes and off-roaders...we like to drive around, drink beer, go to barbecues...that’s life... that’s living...ya get what I’m sayin’? The stuff we like to do...well, it uses oil, but that’s ok. That’s our Culture of Life, see?”

The President then grinned his triumphant smile, waved and jogged back to the idling chopper.