Bush, Rumsfeld: "Iraq Entering New Phase of Propaganda War"

In a coordinated effort, reminiscent of the powerful “Shock and Awe” invasion of Iraq itself, President Bush, supported by Secretary of Defence Donald Rumsfeld, launched a powerful new assault in the American Propaganda War.

The new stage of the war began on Sunday with “softening up” strikes led by various administration SEALS (Silence Every Alternate Legitimate Sentiment.) These offensives targeted powerful media bases such as Tim Russert, CNN and Face the Nation. Bush and Rumsfeld made coordinated daylight attacks simultaneously in Iraq and Texas today.

The new campaign named Operation "Cloud the Truth,” began at dawn in Iraq. Rumsfeld, leading in a helicopter, dropped down into a highly vetted group of hand picked troops. The ensuing “'town-hall like meeting'
went off like clockwork,” reported spokesman Brit Hume. “ The awesome power that the Secretary brought to bear was truly humbling!” the ordinarily austere Hume gushed.

Rumsfeld began the battle by blasting at the newly formed national government, “Even though I completely f–ked up when we banished the Republican Guard from the Iraqi security forces, we have turned that around 180 degrees!” he thundered. “Now that we have secretly recruited most of Saddam’s loyal supporters back into the 'New Iraqi Army' I warn you, democratically elected civilians leaders, 'Do not to purge them like we did!'” The rounds of applause from the all volunteer, carefully vetted troops was deafening. Every soldier here had transferred from other more dangerous or mundane duties to be at the front lines of this campaign. Brown, Black, male, female and even several Whites had rallied to reenforce this important new stage of the war. These troopers, many of them suddenly eligible for surprisingly important medals, were all individually selected to appear. Some, though not medal recipients, had volunteered for propaganda duty immediately upon receipt of their $15,000 re-enlistment check.

The turning point of the offensive came when “Rummy,” as he is affectionately known to the troops, was presented with an engraved souvenir: The armor vest plate a soldier was wearing which had stopped a sniper's bullet. This remarkably spontaneous, unrehearsed event was a counterpoint to the Secretary’s last visit. Then, an ungrateful un-vetted dogface complained directly and bitterly that Rummy's failure to provide armor to the troops was killing them. The unpremeditated serendipity of today’s event sent these carefully chosen troops into paroxysms of worshipful adulation for their beloved leader.

Meanwhile in Texas, President Bush, sacrificing all personal comfort to travel several dangerous miles from his ranch, spoke to a thrilled, captive audience of 25,000 soldiers confined to Camp Hood. Bush, with no hint of the hyperbola he naturally felt, declared that, “the end of Saddam Hussein's regime two years ago heralded a global democratic revolution!” While not offering any evidence, he went on to tell the troops, "As the Iraq (sic) democracy succeeds, that success is sending a message from Beirut to Tehran that freedom can be the future of every nation!"

Despite the fact that 36 Americans have been killed in Iraq this month, and that “insurgent” attacks average about 40 every day, Bush and Rummy claimed progress. Bush said Iraqis now had confidence that their own security forces could protect them. About 140,000 US troops remain in Iraq, while Iraq's security forces number 150,000, the president said, offering no evidence or means to confirm.

At the end of the day, most notable, non-political pundits such as the Fox New’s Hanity & Colms and Bill O’Rielly were hailing this new chapter in the Propaganda War as, “an overwhelming success!” And later, a roadside explosion killed 12 Iraqi Policemen.