WHITE HOUSE HIRES MICROSOFT TO EDIT POLICY REPORTS

Inexplicably dressed as a Rabbi, Bill Gates kowtows for Commies

Washington, WPI - One day after a controversial White House aide who diluted scientific evidence of global warming in government documents was hired by an oil company, the administration has retained computer giant Microsoft to vet all future scientific and policy reports.

Philip Cooney, the former chief of staff to President Bush’s Council on Environmental Quality, who quit two days after leaked documents revealed that he had neutered conclusions of legitimate scientists, was hired Wednesday by oil giant Exxon Mobil.

“We still have to follow our process,” said White House spokesman Scott McClellan. “The administration still needs the science boiled down and shaped to fit policy objectives. The President and his advisors can’t read everything themselves.”

Microsoft was selected shortly after it was announced that it had been hired by China to manage their Chinese language-based Web internet portal. Late last month, Microsoft began MSN China, as a joint venture with Shanghai Alliance Investment.

Under the agreement Microsoft will help censor the Chinese people, mainly web-log users. MSN Spaces, a free “blog” server, will allow Chinese Internet users to post personal comments in cyberspace -- provided they do not address subjects considered taboo by the Chinese authorities.

“This seems like a natural fit,” continued McClellen. “Microsoft has the expertise needed to handle the massive number of documents the administration must review. They posses the off-the-shelf software to vet the data quickly and easily.”

Critics have pointed out that what MSN does in China is simply block any message which contain certain forbidden words like “freedom,” “democracy,” “liberty” and “pussy.” The company did not provide further information on the ban or the complete list of words which will be prohibited.

"MSN Spaces in China is managed by its China joint venture the Shanghai MSN Network Communications Technology Company Ltd.” said Rachel Lee, Microsoft spokeswoman from Hong Kong. “ MSN abides by the laws, regulations and norms of each country in which it operates. So it’s not our fault."

McClellen said the final details had not yet been ironed out. “We anticipate a similar process. It is our analysis that the methods are highly effective. It is what the president wants.”