BUSH TO LIVE 8 PERFORMERS: WHY NOT CHARGE?

Free concert "Not very American"

Washinton, WPI - President Bush reacted impatiently to questions about the worldwide “Live 8” concert series telling reporters, “If they care so much, why didn’t they charge for the show and give that money to the starving Africans?”

The President, clearly embarrassed that five and a half billion people worldwide were tuned into the concert, which was mounted as a global plea for the rich nations of the world to act more generously toward the poor, tried to turn the tables on the musicians and promoters.

“You know, if all those people who listened to the concert had bought tickets for thirty or forty dollars, a lot, a lot, of money could have been raised! They could have given it all to the Red Cross or UNICEF or NATO or one of those!" the red-faced Bush admonished.

“Why do the banks and corporations have to be the only ones to pay?” he asked reporters gathered at the White House to record the Chief Executive's departure to his Crawford Texas ranch for the Fourth of July holiday. “These businesses are generous, very generous,” he emphasized, flashing his famous snarl-like smile. “Why just this spring, on Volunteer Day, thousands of bank employees, all across America went to work at Habitat for Humanity, on their off-hours. Isn’t that generosity?" He added, "I don't, really, I don't think anybody cares more about the poor then America's banking industry.”

When a reporter told the President that the concert organizers were asking that the wealthy nations forgive billions of dollars in dept he responded, “Like I said, why not charge everybody to see the concert then give all the money to the banks? The people, the audience, they could of paid off this African debt themselves. Why did they do it free? It’s not very American if you ask me.” Said the clearly upset Bush.

Another reporter challenged the escaping President about contributing more aid to Africa for medicines and AIDS treatment. Bush returned to the crowd to point his finger and rebuke the questioner. “I have so much to think about! Iraq. I think about Iraq every day!” he said with obvious emotion. “And Social Security reform, that’s stalled and I have been all over this country trying to teach people...it’s very, I don’t know, frustrating.” continued the president, searching for words.

“Frankly, we have problems in this country that I am trying to solve. I think maybe some of these Africans leaders should try to do the same thing with theirs!’ Bush added, as his Secret Service handlers guided him toward the waiting helicopter.

At the top of the steps the President turned back, “Ya’ll should be celebrating America’s birthday,” he shouted. “Celebrate the richest country in the world! Happy Fourth everybody, and I still love Faith Hill!” Bush then departed for his multimillion dollar ranch where he will relax until leaving for the G-8 meetings Tuesday.