Rush Limbaugh Enters Psychiatric Hospital

Maimi, 04/13/05, WPI- Fundamentalist radio personality Rush Limbaugh was admitted to Roosevelt Psychiatric Hospital today, it was reported by the Dade County Tribune. Limbaugh was taken to the hospital by ambulance. A spokesman there refused comment citing the HIPPA privacy law, an set of mind-boggling federal regulations fervently supported by Limbaugh himself. The spokesman did say that Limbaugh appeared exhausted and was babbling at admission.

World Press International has learned that Limbaugh has recently been treated for obsessive/compulsive disorder. WPI’s consultant, Dr. Seymour Harrors of White Plains Psychiatric Hospital, said, “It seems Limbaugh is suffering from Compulsive Whining Disorder. This is a fairly rare condition but common to certain professions.” Dr. Harrors continued, “What happens, in simple terms, is that the patient exhausts their catalogue of important ideas to comment on but is still consumed with the act of complaining that their personality drowns in a pool of self-parodying whining. In essence, they bitch obsessivly about nothing.”

WPI asked Dr. Harrors to examine several recent transcripts of the Rush Limbaugh Show to see if there were any telltale signs of the disease. “Oh my, yes. Look here, on Tuesday last he spent a half an hour prattling on about a 'liberal cop' who gave him a parking ticket. Later he ranted for an hour about a library that charged him for returning a book late. On the Monday before, Limbaugh spent almost three hours lecturing America on the failure of welfare recipients to invest in the stock market!”

Close friends of the fascist pundit have been worried about him for some time. “Bob,” a friend for twenty years who wished to remain anonymous said, “My gosh look at his problems! He has a conservative President, Republicans control both houses of congress, he got the war in Iraq, the Supreme Court is conservative- Rush is suffering from an embarrassment of riches! The guy is a muti-millionaire, he could by the Vatican if he wanted to, but his job is to act like a helpless middle class jerk who can never get a break. All he does is complain about meaningless crap- it must be very hard on him.”

Another long time friend, Steve Adoore who was Rush’s producer for many years agrees, “The entire country is conservative! But Rush has to pretend that he and his listeners are this little group of persecuted outsiders who nobody respects. It’s 'Curmudgen Radio,' but the problem is, they seem to be the majority of voters and they have everything they want!.” He added, “I told Rush years ago, after W was elected, give it up, go spend your money, relax- you won!’ But he just couldn’t do it. He’s caught up in the whole persona. Like anyone could believe in, ‘Poor Picked-on Rush!’”

Dr. Harrors stated that other psychological factors may be involved, "Mr. Limbaugh might be strung out again or, judging from his press picture, suffering from homosexual panic.” He predicted that Mr. Limbaugh will likely recover, with intensive therapy, in about 3 to 6 months. “That doesn’t mean he’ll stop being a boring asshole though,” he added.