DEMS HIRE KEN STARR TO FIND ROBERTS DOCUMENTS

"If they want a 'Witch Hunt'..."

Washington, (WPI) - Senate Democrats reacted to media and Republican criticism of their effort to obtain documents by Supreme Court nominee John G. Roberts by retaining former special prosecutor Kenneth Starr to head the commission charged with uncovering the records.

The idea of hiring Starr came from Senator Hilliary Clinton (D-NY). “This man is a proven bloodhound,” said Clinton making the announcement. “Let’s not forget that a few years back Ken started with nothing, just a flimsy allegation about our Whitewater finances, and came up with Monica Lewinsky. He almost engineered an impeachment!”

Starr who’s investigation of Bill Clinton took six years and cost over $40 million dollars won’t enjoy a similar situation with Roberts.

“Unfortunately, the taxpayers aren’t footing the bill and our window is much narrower,” said Starr. “However, I promise to use all the resources and techniques I developed in the ‘90s.”

Mainstream media, reacting to conservative denunciation that they are “liberal,” have reacted by abandoning all pretense of fairness when discussing Roberts’ nomination to the highest court in the land.

MSNBC's Hardball, host Chris Matthews, and New York Times columnist Bob Herbert are a recent example: MATTHEWS: Bob, I want to start with you on this. It seems to me that the liberals are a bit desperate right now. They're looking around for paper. They're trying to -- they're basically going on witch hunts, or, rather, what do you call them? Fishing expeditions is the political term, trying to find some dirt on this pristine, apparently pristine, nominee of the president for the Supreme Court, John Roberts. HERBERT: The desperation started on the last election night, the presidential election.

“Don’t worry about them,” assured Starr, “I’ll find something soon enough. When I do, I’ll seek subpoena power. I’ll drag the NY Times and Chris Matthews in and 'chat them up.' They’ll come around, I’m sure of it.”

“Maybe we could jail them to give up their sources!” suggested Clinton.