DEMOCRATS ANGRY ON IRAQ

Congressional Democrats unify message

Washington, (WPI) - Key members of the Democratic party, frustrated over their party’s handling of the war in Iraq, today issued a statement emphasizing a consensus on their ineffectiveness. The policy document, entitled “Celebrating Diversity in Foreign Policy Impotence!” was released jointly by House and Senate Democrats.

“For too long we have been divided on proposing any alternate plan for a solution in Iraq,” presidential hopeful Senator Hillary Clinton said. “Today, however, we stand as a united front. We have nothing to offer.”

“We just don’t know,” added Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid, “The polls show that most Americans no longer support President Bush or the war, but we don’t know what to do with that information.”

Added Senator John Kerry, “About the only thing we could offer is an immediate, complete withdrawal before any more people die, but we have no reliable polling data that shows the public will endorse that.”

“This isn’t a question of right and wrong,” said Sen Joseph Biden of RI, another prospective presidential candidate, “It’s about putting forth a solution which has no significant political backlash.”

“Six months down the road I don’t want to be accused of being a coward or soft on terrorism!” cut in Dianne Feinstein, D-CA.

“The issue is this,” Clinton continued “President Bush has succeeded in convincing Americans that there is a link between the Iraq and terrorism. Our polls how that most voters still think of the war as a reaction to 9/11. If we advocate for a withdrawal, and there is any kind of terrorist attack, no matter who does it, the GOP will crucify us for having caused it.”

Ted Kennedy D-Ma., who opposed the statement, had to be restrained after grabbing Senator Binden around the neck.

“There’s really not very much we can do,” added Dick Gephardt “If we take a stand later events might effect our chances at reelection. We like our jobs.”

The group then formed a circle and put their hands together in the center for photographers.