SAUDIS TO MANAGE NYC BRIDGES

So, I sez ta the guy...

NYC, (WPI) - Governor Pataki today announced a plan to lease the management of New York’s key bridges and tunnels to a Saudi Arabian management company.

The Company, Allahaboveallalla, is a consortium owned principally be Sheik Ali Ali Inncumfre, a member of the Saud Royal family and wealthy investors from Germany, China, Japan, England and Cameroon.

“This is a great day for all New Yorkers,” said Pataki in making the announcement, “For too many years we have been pouring money into these oil rich states, it’s time for them give something back.”

The Governor was referring to the his reasoning, now being touted by supporters in the Assembly who must approve the transfer, that oil revenues from Saudi Arabia will flow back to America in lease fees charged by the state.

The plan calls for the Saudi Company to manage the Brooklyn Bridge, George Washington Bridge, 59th Street Bridge and both the Holland and Lincoln Tunnels. The lease is for fifty years and pays New York 2.87 Billion dollars.

Many states, like New York, are struggling to pay for new roads and bridges even as traffic continues to rise and both tolls and fuel taxes have not kept pace with costs. NYC has been especially hard hit. While commuter fees for the mass transit system have kept pace, and in some cases exceeded expenses, the tolls on the major tunnels and bridges have remained stagnent since the 1980's.

“The Governor wanted votes, not new tolls,” argued Assembly majority leader Sheldon Silver who opposes the plan. “George Pataki has kept the tolls into Manhattan artificially low and, when those fees can no longer pay for the upkeep, he proposes to sell our assets to Saudi Arabia. Do you think THEY will raise the tolls?!”

In fact the plan does call for a steady but gradual increase in toll rates over the lease period.

“This is the cheapest, most transparent attempt yet for Republicans to hand over tax-payer assets to their rich friends!” stormed Senator Chuck Schumer. “I mean, we’d all be angry if he gave the bridges and tunnels to, let’s say, Mobil-Exxon to manage. It would be perfectly obvious what was happening. But Governor Pataki has gone over the edge selling them to Arabs for God sake!”

Many New Yorkers are upset with the plan as well.

“He’s leaving, what’s he care?” said electronics salesman Ivan Gottideal of Brooklyn. “He sells our history and assents to a terrorist nation and takes a hike. Do ya’ think George Pataki will land a decent job someplace?”

“Lemme see if I get this straight,” said utility worker, Doug Summholes of Queens, “Pataki won’t raise the tolls, then when the bridges are losing money he sells them to the Arabs who are gonna raise the tolls. That’s not a scam is it?”

The Pataki plan is based on a lease in Chicago engineered by Democratic Mayor Richard Daley. There, Macquarie-Cintra, an Australian-Spanish consortium that manages roads around the world, purchased the 7.8-mile Chicago Skyway. That 99-year deal, worth $1.8 billion, encountered little political resistance.

“This is the new plan by Republicans to further dismantle government,” alleged Political scientist Eggar Heade of NYU. “They deliberately starve funding for infrastructure, for government agencies, and services then declare that the only ‘efficient’ way to rescue them is to sell the ‘management’ to private companies. Management is, of course what government does. It provides management for the ‘public good.’ The private sector provides management for profit- the privileged ‘private good.’ Most of these companies, by the way, are made up of consortiums of the very richest individuals in the world. Not just Saudis but lots of Americans, Japanese and now the Chinese.”

Governor Pataki claims that this plan will solve all the infrastructure for the whole state for “the next three decades.”

“Nice,” complained Ben Acontender a construction worker, “First the Arabs get rich selling us oil, then use our money to take control of the only way people can get to work and they make a profit on it! I wonder why, if the Arabs can make money on the deal, why can’t Pataki?”

“That’s simple,” added Youssa Taukentame a co-worker, “Pataki don’t wanna raise taxes ‘cause he’ll get voted out. So he sells the bridges to the Arabs and when they raise the fees the new Governor can just shrug and say, ’Not my problem!’
We can’t vote out the Arabs!”

A Spokesman for for Allahaboveallalla would not comment for this story except to deny that they planned to bring in Chinese workers to operate the tunnels and bridges, pave roads and compete for paving business throughout the state.