Bolton: I’ll Beat The Crap Out of Powell!

Washinton, 4/21/05- John R. Bolton, Bush candidate for US Ambassador to the United Nations was overheard promising to, “beat the crap out of that punk Powell!” Bolton, with two frightened aids, stormed out of the Executive Office Building today around noon. The outburst was in apparent response to the news that former Secretary of State Colin Powell had expressed reservations about Bolton’s qualifications.

It has been widely reported that Powell had spoken with two Republican members of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee charged with approving the nomination. Powell told Senators Lincoln Chafee of Rhode Island and Chuck Hagel of Nebraska that he was disturbed by the way that Mr. Bolton had treated an intelligence analyst and others who disagreed with him at the at the State Department.

Two close associates of Mr. Powell, privy to the conversations with the Senators said, “Bolton's a bully, a loudmouth psycho. He acts like a movie star, you know, 'fire the caterer!’” The other associate added, “He once bitch-slapped a clerk who said he couldn’t work late because of a family problem. It was General Patton all over again. The guy is a nut-job. That’s why the General decided to speak out. The Senators need to know the man is a violent fascist.”

“Just the way Cheney likes ‘em!” added the first associate.

Witnesses to the outburst varied on what exactly was said. “I heard him say he was going to 'beat the shit out of Powell.'” Another witness, further away, thought he said “‘snot’ or ‘crap’.” Both agree however that Bolton pointed at the sky, looked up and shouted, “As God is my witness, I am gonna stomp his shiny black ass!”

An aid to Mr Bolton did not know where the group was heading when it left the building but added, “I think they were going over to pick up Gordon Liddy.”