Public Loves Lynndie Cop!

Pfc. Lynndie England with backup singers, The Amazons

Bagdad, WPI - Infamous prison abuser Pfc. Lynndie R. England, 22, plead guilty today to seven of the nine counts against her. She copped a plea with military prosecutors. England had faced up to 16 1/2 years in prison if convicted on all nine counts, But one of her lawyers, Capt. Jonathan Crisp, said, “Lynndie is not going to walk, but she may bogey out of a few charges.”

Next Tuesday the proceedings will cross the Atlantic and resume at the Savoy Hotel in Harlem, where a military tribunal lead by the legendary Colonel Tommy Dorsey, will swing into action hearing evidence on sentencing. The lower key charges of conspiracy, dereliction of duty, maltreatment and indecent acts, carry a maximum sentence of 11 years.

“We’re very excited,” Dorsey told the media. “People want a show and we’ll give it to’em!” he promised.

Photographs of Private England, an Army reservist from West Virginia, show her holding a leash around the neck of a naked and crawling Iraqi detainee. “We were trying to dance, and he tripped on my feet and fell.” England claimed in her written plea.

Her lawyers will present evidence that she has no rhythm, cannot read music, carry a tune or even Charleston. “It was her ex-boyfriend, Spec. Charles A. Graner Jr., who did this. He orchestrated the whole thing. Lyndie was a simple show girl.”

Explaining other photos in which she appeared grinning and giving a thumbs-up next to a pile of naked prisoners her defense quoted testimony from Garner’s trial,” Man it was happenin’! Chuck had dem dudes really swinging! Dey was jitterbuggin’ an a German Shepard got loose- ho man! Dey all crashed in a big pile in da corner.” swore witness PFC. C. Calloway.

England's defense team will claim that she had a history of mental health problems and learning disabilities. England concluded her plea by telling the court, “‘If I am guilty of anything, it’s of loving too much!’”